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Desert Diary, p2

 

Our pets, ourselves... One of those "Eureka!" moments, shared by the Silver City Greek:

"It just hit me! My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year, if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

"He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

"He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living.

"I was just thinking about all this and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks:

"My dog is a CONGRESSMAN!"

 

Share your own eureka moments, jokes, anecdotes and humorous life lessons at diary@desertexposure.com.

 

 

 

Pondering the imponderables... Some laws of the universe that no doubt will seem all too familiar from your own personal experience, courtesy of Yerby:

"Law of Mechanical Repair — After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

"Law of Gravity — Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

"Law of Probability — The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

"Law of Random Numbers — If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal — and someone always answers.

"Variation Law — If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. (Works every time.)

"Law of the Bath — When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

"Law of Close Encounters — The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

"Law of the Result — When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!

"Law of Biomechanics — The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

"Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena — At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk."

 

You're only as old as you feel... A tale of the joys of aging, sent our way by CharlesC:

"A rather elderly gentleman, in his mid-80s, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is very well-dressed, smelling slightly of an expensive after-shave, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel. He presents a suave, well-looked-after image.

"Seated at the bar is a fine-looking lady in her mid-70s. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, ‘So tell me, Good Looking, do I come here often?'"

 

 

Wisdom of the ages... Writes Ned Ludd, "Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip." Indeed we will!

"In ancient Greece (469-399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, ‘Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?'

"‘Wait a moment,' Socrates replied. ‘Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test.'

"‘Triple Filter?' asked the acquaintance.

"‘That's right,' Socrates continued. ‘Before you talk to me about Diogenes, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?'

"‘No,' the man said. ‘Actually, I just heard about it.'

"‘All right,' said Socrates. ‘So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?'

"‘No, on the contrary...'

"‘So,' Socrates continued, ‘you want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?'

"The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, ‘You may still pass the test, though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?'

"‘No, not exactly.'

"‘Well,' concluded Socrates, ‘if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?'

"The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

"It also explains why Socrates never found out that his wife was cheating on him with Diogenes."

 

 

Send your favorite anecdotes, jokes, puns and tall tales to Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, or email diary@desertexposure.com. The best submission each month gets a brand-new Desert Exposure mouse pad, scientifically proven to take the strain out of emailing jokes to Desert Diary.

 

 

 

Postcards from the edge...Readers continue to respond to our invitation to submit photos of themselves on vacation holding "the biggest little paper in the Southwest." First, here are Victor and Arlene Trujillo of Deming, posing with their favorite publication in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

 

postcard 1

 

Back in this hemisphere, here is Anthony Romero of Santa Clara at Point of the Bears in Lake Payette, McCall, Idaho. He writes, "It's one of the most scenic spots in the state of Idaho. I spent Thanksgiving in McCall with Frankie and Nancy Romero and family, Robbie and Maria."

 

postcard 2

 

Finally, we share this photo of Marie Southworth from Las Cruces, on vacation at Ross Castle in Killarney, Ireland, who writes: "Read your newspaper every month and have for years. Thank you for such a great publication."

 

postcard 3

 

Thank YOU and all the other readers who continue to snap photos of themselves all over the world (literally!) holding Desert Exposure. (If you've sent yours in and haven't seen it in print yet, don't worry, we'll get to it!) Send your pictures to PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, or diary@desertexposure.com.

 


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