And this quickie from GeeRichard:
"Lord, I pray, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
"The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
"And the eyesight to tell the difference."
Persons of the blonde persuasion… It would hardly be Desert Diary without some blonde jokes — and, finally, Shanty Shaker supplies us with some tales about blond MEN. Nonetheless, as always, readers are invited to substitute the hair hue (or lack thereof) of their choice:
It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there… Finally, in what we promise will be the last word on this subject (at least until we get another joke about it), here's this from Jess Hossinaround in Arenas Valley:
"A friend told the blond man: 'Christmas is on a Friday this year.' The blond man then said, 'Let's hope it's not the 13th.'"
"Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: 'What if one explodes before we get there?' The other says: 'We'll lie and say we only found two.'"
"A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: 'Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.' To which the blond man replied: 'Well, the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday.'"
"A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: 'Did you find the shampoo?' He answers, 'Yes, but I'm not sure what to do. It's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine.'"
"A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish. 'I think it's got epilepsy,' he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, 'It seems calm enough to me.' The blonde man says, 'Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet.'"
"A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope, 'DO NOT BEND.' He spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick it up."
"A blond man shouts frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!' 'Is this her first child?' asks the doctor. 'No!' the blond shouts. 'This is her husband!'"
"A blond man is driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, 'That's your air freshener swinging about!'"
"A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says, 'Why don't you put an ad in the paper?' He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. 'What did you put in the paper?' his wife asks. He replies, 'Here, boy!'"
"A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. 'Just WHAT are you doing?' he asks. 'Hanging myself,' the blond replies. 'It should be around your neck,' says the guard. 'I tried that,' the blond replies, 'but then I couldn't breathe.'"
With the apocalypse a bust, you no longer have an excuse for procrastinating! Send your favorite anecdotes, jokes, puns and tall tales to Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, or email firstname.lastname@example.org. The best submission each month gets a brand-new Desert Exposure mouse pad, scientifically proven to take the strain out of emailing jokes to Desert Diary.
"Mayan guy: 'Wanna get a beer?'
"Other Mayan guy: 'I'm working on this calendar, but I guess if I don't finish it, it won't be the end of the world.'"
Postcards from the edge… Readers continue to respond to our invitation to submit photos of themselves on vacation holding "the biggest little paper in the Southwest." First, here is Janet Twineham, who writes, "I recently traveled to Namibia, a very diverse country in southwest Africa, which boasts the highest sand dunes in the world as well as some of the best game viewing in Africa. As you can see from the photo, it is common for the morning fog to roll in off the coast, as it did just before my climb up the 300-foot dune in the background."
Postcards from the edge… Next, here's Antje Scheumann, who tells us, "I lived out in the Burros near Silver City some years ago. This year I was for the first time back and still think Silver is the most wonderful town in the world! Small, nice people, slow pace, relaxed, tolerant, lot of culture and… Desert Exposure!
"I took some copies with me to Hamburg, Germany, and made it public with the town's most famous landmarks. I took photos on the banks of the river Alster, which flows in two something-like-lakes through downtown. Very well known is also the city hall, shown here. Hopefully I'll be back in Silver City in 2013."
Whether you're going to Africa or Albuquerque, snap a picture of yourself holding Desert Exposure and send it to PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, or email@example.com.