Desperately Seeking Santa
Our intrepid reporter goes almost all the way to the North Pole–well, as far as the mall–in search of the jolly old elf.
By Jeff Berg
SANTA PHOTO MGMT–Cashier, Greeter, etc. Create Holiday Magic! 866.229.8999 x-442 www.SantaJobs.com
–newspaper ad in Tulsa, Okla.
Only a few more weeks until "'tis the season" is over. I can't wait. One can find it difficult to celebrate Christmas whilst living in a desert that looks darn near the same, day in and day out. Spring excluded.
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Santa has arrived at Mesilla Valley Mall. |
About the only thing that reminds me of the ghosts of Christmas past is Santa Claus. Yes, I know we have pageants and trees and decorations, and of course the religious rituals, and tons of shopping and tidings of joy, but Yule time to me used to signify real winter, and holidays in this arid region are not quite the same.
And around here, it would be tough to find three wise men. Wise guys are plentiful; wise men are few, especially if they got their job by popular, if inaccurate, vote.
So, to feed my need for Santa, I went looking for him. Not having the funds or wherewithal for a trip to the North Pole, I looked elsewhere. I tried to find the jolly gent in some of his other likely hangouts–street corners (oh wait, the Salvation Army doesn't do that anymore) and buffet restaurants (with a weight problem like that, you know he is not sitting at the local tofu bar)–before finally descending upon the place that is all things Christmas to those who are consumers, the Mesilla Valley Mall in lovely Las Cruces.
I was unable to espy any tiny reindeer or vertically challenged individuals in green suits (maybe I should have looked for those in Roswell). But after a brief visit with a mall security person, I was pointed to a long hallway and told that I would find any number of clues to St. Nick's whereabouts at the end of said corridor.
The hallway echoed ominously with my footsteps, and with the voice reverberations of the young woman who was talking about nothing to no one on her cell phone as she came toward me from the other end of the hall, heels clacking on the neutrally colored tile floor.
At last I came to the administrative center, where one of Mr. Kringle's ad hoc booking agents was hard at work in a small office piled high with paperwork of all kinds. It's not hard to guess what Susan Palmer, the marketing manager at the mall, would want for Christmas: another pair of hands.
Palmer, who has been in the marketing business for a long time, has been in Las Cruces since her employer, Jones, Lang and LaSalle, purchased the 80-store spend-o-rama earlier this year. Jones, Lang and LaSalle is a worldwide real-estate and money management corporation that operates on five continents. They probably don't need anything for Christmas.
Since this was Palmer's first Christmas in Las Cruces, she had little to share about the whereabouts of Pops Xmas. "I can tell you that he arrives after Halloween, on Nov. 18," she said. "I do know that last year Santa was found at a place called Naturally Santa, which only hires and trains Santas who already look like Santa. And there is even a Santa Claus Convention each year."
Oh, the thoughts that swirled. Can you imagine that? Hundreds of jolly white-bearded fellows in a room passing bylaws about eating cookies and drinking milk? Perhaps there is a Goth Santa, one with multiple piercings, a spiked Mohawk haircut, tattoos and an attitude. Would "ho" have the same meaning to a hip-hop Santa?
Hopefully this event is held in a secret location, so as to not confuse true believers.
Palmer went on, "I have approached guys who look like Santa and suggested that they sign up for a job." Mostly the response has been kind if not exactly jolly, but there was one man: "He growled at me and said, 'You couldn't pay me enough to do that!'" We must be related, I think.
But the pay for playing Santa can be quite good according to Palmer. For a four-to-five-week gig, Palmer says that one seasoned Santa who worked at a mall in Shreveport, La., where she was once posted, made $17,000. "It can be a lucrative business, and most times expenses are paid for Santa if he comes from out of town, so it is always a better deal to find someone locally if you can.
"It's a tough job, that's for sure," she cautioned. "You just sit there for 10 hours a day; it's not like playing the Easter Bunny, where you can at least change costumes once in a while."
Often Santa's paycheck comes in part from the photo company that has the contract to take the picture of little Tiffany or Jose as they sit on Santa's lap, blubbering, grinning, frozen or wetting themselves and the kindly old man. I didn't ask Palmer if the Santa suits used were waterproof.
But the one-time department store Santas of Miracle on 34th Street renown have mostly evolved into mall Santas and become an important part of the marketing game. Although Palmer did not have exact figures for the amount of Mesilla Valley Mall revenue brought in by Christmas shoppers, she did note that the national average was 16 to 23 percent of the total annual business.
Sadly, Palmer was running out of leads, and I was no closer to finding the elusive gent than when we first started our pleasant visit.
She suggested that I call a mysterious woman named Christine, and gave me an El Paso phone number. The next day, before I started to calculate if I had been naughty or nice (see below), I called the next member of Kringle's posse, Christine. I must have awakened her, as she was completely confused by what I was talking to her about.
My attempts at humor were misunderstood or, at least to her, not humorous, which I would find hard to believe. After a couple of minutes of explaining who I was, and what I was after, I was directed to another of Santa's helpers, Ruth Rosenquist. Her phone number indicated another non-Christmas clime, where one could not go over the river or through the woods to Grandmother's house. Rosenquist was in Phoenix, and was ready and able to end this pursuit.
Ruth Rosenquist "got it" right away. Taking the tone of this article and putting it on the phone is no easy chore, but she caught on and at least tried to appreciate my wit or lack thereof.
She promised to call back, and although we missed a communication or two, a couple of days later I was asked to e-mail (!!!) a list of questions for Mr. Claus, as this would be his, uh-oh, first time as a mall Santa. A Christmas miracle, I thought, a Santa virgin!
It took awhile, but through Rosenquist, I was able to forward my list of questions to the Las Cruces Claus, via e-mail! Imagine the amount of spam he must get! I bet everyone in Nigeria with a money scam turns to Santa first for help.
Although Santa was far too busy to answer directly, Rosenquist was kind enough to share his replies with me. Our exchange follows.
Q. First, of course, I would like a bit of general background–who, what, where, why. Is the new Mr. Claus from around here? Has he been to Las Cruces before? Things like that. How long will he be here if he is not a local resident? How did he get involved in this, um, line of work?
A. "The new Santa at Mesilla Valley Mall has been a resident of Denver, Colo., for the past 41 years. He will be relocating just for the holiday season, and is looking forward to exploring the Las Cruces region, because he has never been to the area before."
Q. What compelled him to try for this position?
A. "At 69 years of age, he has already spent a significant part of his life in the role of Santa at school parties. He has also been Big Bird, Cookie Monster, the Easter Bunny and even Smokey the Bear, as part of his past career managing a roller rink. This talented Santa was even known to roller skate in his jolly red suit in parades!
"He and his wife (who recently passed away) were widely known in the community to the hundreds of kids that frequented the roller rink as 'Mom and Dad,' which demonstrates his affinity for all children."
Q. What expectations, if any, does he have?
A. "Santa's debut will take place this Nov. 18. He has always aspired to take on the role in a mall setting because of his prior experiences. Santa is looking forward to bringing joy to children and their parents alike, while having some fun along the way."
Q. Any concerns–-such as how to handle the crying child or the overly enthusiastic ones, etc.?
A. "Santa is confident in his abilities, but also understands that the majority of children who cry when visiting Santa do so out of fear. He accepts the fact that some children are not going to warm up to him, especially on a first visit. He has a number of tricks up his sleeve to deal with this. An accepting older brother or sister can also go a long way toward comforting a distraught child. He might also suggest that the parent try to visit with the child on another occasion during the season. The child will usually respond more positively to him in his setting after the initial introduction has taken place."
Q. When did he stop believing in Santa Claus, or does he still?
A. "He is still actively playing the role. He likes to point to an experience with a former employee, whose children were told that Santa did not exist. He asked the employee to bring him their wrapped presents that evening. As the mother asked the children to hide behind the sofa, Santa entered their house through a door that the mother left unlocked, with the presents. He even took the time to eat the cookies and drink the milk left behind for him. Those children became true believers after that!"
Q. How does one interview and train for a position such as this?
A. "He believes his biggest asset will be his experience in the role, as well as his ability to interact well with people. The Noerr Programs has a proprietary Santa Training DVD with synchronized workbook, to insure that the magical experience provided on the set is consistent at all centers. His Regional and Set Managers will also play a role in setting the stage, by providing a carefully choreographed team that can effectively capture each guest's visit through a photo with Santa.
"The Mesilla Valley Mall Santa was initially interviewed at the 'Noerr Pole' in Arvada, Colo., by Judy Noerr, president of The Noerr Programs. Her partner, Philip Byrne, met with him as well. He also had a face-to-face meeting with both a Noerr Divisional and Regional Manager to determine whether he had the traits necessary to take on the most challenging and rewarding role of all: Santa Claus.
"So now you know a new holiday secret. Santa is a business. There are over 400 'Santas' around the country, and recruitment standards are high. Noerr Programs is only one of several such corporate versions of Santa's helpers. Depending on the corporation that is doing the hiring, Santa applicants and those who are eventually hired, along with elves, are fingerprinted, and some outfits that hire Santa's helpers even require drug tests."Sounds like they are confusing the report of "snow" at the North Pole with the police report.
But even though there are so many Santas and so many rules, I still find it a fun and pleasant idea to heighten my holiday spirits.
Oh, and remember that methodology I mentioned that allowed me to find out if I had been naughty or nice this year? Well, it's real, and you can go to www.claus.com to find out what to expect or not to expect this Christmas morning as you stumble across the tile floor toward your Kokopelli-decorated aluminum tree. According to Santa's Nice O Meter, here are the random results of some people I checked up on:
I was pleased to learn that Editor Fryxell and "Georgie" Bush had more in common than I thought. Running their names through the system revealed the following: "Still very much on nice list, but must continue good behavior. Should eat more vegetables instead of junk food. Was very polite last Thursday! When doing chores, needs to do them as well as possible. Often exhibits good behavior."
As for my angelic wife, Sarah, her secret side was soon revealed: "Much more nice than naughty." (DAMN!) "Can be very thoughtful. Has improved cleanliness, which I like. Could take better care of toys. Says 'thank you' often, but still not as much as I would like. Good mood often spreads to others. Hopefully, will keep up the good work."
I had hoped it would have said "not snore so loud," as I think last year that scared Santa away from our house, since I got nuthin' for Christmas.
And did the grand old man have the goods on me? Heh, heh, heh. . . .
"Overall, niceness outweighs naughtiness. Was good a lot last month! Politeness often good but has room for improvement. Could help around house more instead of watching so much TV. Expected to move even higher up 'nice' list."
Fooled him again!
Senior writer Jeff Berg hangs his stockings with care in Las Cruces.