D  e  s  e  r  t     E  x  p  o  s  u  r  e     March 2005

The Healing Power of Play

Play therapy helps children draw on their inner power to make the unmanageable manageable.

By Diana S. Edwards

Out on the playground, a child is swinging from the monkey bars, shouting, "Look, Dad! Look at me!" Another child is calling excitedly to her grandmother, "See me, I can go down the dragon slide!"

"What children want most is to be watched," says Angelina Toyota-Sharpe. "Once they start being seen, they can start to be."

"Angel" Toyota-Sharpe plays with a child.

Angel, as she is universally called, is a licensed professional clinical counselor (LPCC) and registered play therapist supervisor at the Western New Mexico University Child Development Center (CDC), a comprehensive, family-centered child care program under the direction of Terry Anderson, Early Childhood Programs, in the School of Education.

Angel completed both of her internships for the counseling program at the CDC with Bonnie Maldonado, who was then family facilitator for the center. Angel completed her master's degree at WNMU in 1997, and began working as a family facilitator at the CDC when Maldonado left to become dean of the School of Education.

It soon became apparent to Angel that there was a need for more services for children. She was taking children on walks, talking with children, and trying to come up with classroom interventions for children who needed extra attention or help in coping with a family crisis or other difficult situation. Out of her frustration in finding ways to get children engaged in therapy came the motivation to become a play therapist. She attended "tons of trainings," and traveled many miles to get the education and supervisory hours required for certification.

Angel is a calm, charismatic, highly intuitive therapist who radiates the caring and acceptance that is at the core of an effective counseling relationship. She says that she does play therapy for the same reason that she does family and individual counseling: "Everyone wants to be heard, and to know that somebody knows how they feel. When you reflect back to someone and acknowledge what they have said or experienced, they can begin to get a new perspective, and to see that they have other choices that might work better for them. When something is observed, it can be changed."

With children, as with adults, the therapeutic process "can empower them to feel that they can make a difference in their world. If a child can change and influence what happens in the playroom, he or she can transfer that idea out into the bigger world." She loves to see "how natural and enthusiastic children are in tackling their conflicts and problems," and to be a supportive witness to that process.

In play therapy, relationship is most important, and, says Angel, "play therapy is the most effective, profound way to build a relationship with a child." For this reason, elements of play therapy can be effectively taught to parents so that they can enhance relationships with their children and improve communication and understanding. By demonstrating to a child, "I hear you, I see you, I understand, I accept," a therapist, a parent or a teacher can give an inestimable gift to a child—a gift that can set loose their imaginative and creative process. And it is the imaginative process, in children or adults, that gives them the ability to solve problems and the power to change. A child in play therapy may still have the same family situation: Play can't get dad out of prison, or mom off of methamphetamines, but play can strengthen a child to better cope with the trauma and stresses of life, and possibly to re-frame their perceptions to a more tolerable and joyful picture.

Every child has an innate drive towards healthy development, and every child has the drive to become deeply connected to his or her parents and caregivers. Children's very existence depends on those relationships. Trauma and stress, however, can undermine and distort that process, and sometimes cause permanent damage to children's emotional, intellectual and physical development.

What happens, for example, when a child experiences domestic violence—a child sees her mother being beaten, or her brother burned with a cigarette? How does it affect a child when the person who should be nurturing and protecting him is the perpetrator of sexual abuse? How does divorce and separation—or abandonment—affect a child? From a child's perspective, even "normal" changes, such as adding a new baby to the family or gaining a stepparent, are events that involve grief and loss as well as joy. A child may need extra support to cope with any of these experiences.

To help a child recover from trauma or cope with the stresses of life, we need to know what it is like to be a child. How can we learn to see through a child's eyes, to experience events through their senses and with their understanding? The child has to teach us. The way to enter a child's world is to enter their play world, to be fully present with him or her in the symbolic representation and communication that is child's play.

Sister Rosemary Farrell, affectionately and respectfully known as "Rosie," is a licensed independent social worker and a dedicated play therapist; she works at El Refugio, the domestic violence shelter in Silver City. After teaching primary grades for 27 years, Sister Rosemary decided to go to Central America and work with children "who were experiencing poverty and the impact of war and violence." She became sick while there, and landed back in the US in Silver City "just before the domestic violence shelter was started at El Refugio." She has been there for more than 13 years, "still working with children who are impacted by poverty and domestic violence."

Sister Rosie's eyes shine with love and excitement when she describes her work with children who have experienced domestic violence. "I marvel at their inner wisdom, at their creativity and imagination, and at the depth of their sharing." She thinks of her playroom as "sacred ground," and says, "I feel honored to share their healing journey."

She works with children of all ages, and they come to her with many different experiences in their young lives. None of the children takes that healing journey in the same way; the path is unique to each child. "It is a real joy to see them become strong, assertive, and to speak their needs."

Sister Rosie does both directive and non-directive child-centered play. The process of healing, she explains, "is both from inside to outside and outside to inside." The amount of time in therapy depends on the child and the amount of trauma. Children who have experienced domestic violence need to learn a safety plan. They need assertiveness training, anger management and help in building self-esteem. Children with these experiences often need help in guilt reduction, to understand "the three C's"—that they did not Cause the violence, cannot Change it, and cannot Control it.

She helps children learn the difference between being assertive and being aggressive, and that they do not have to give up their power—they learn to notice how power is used. Is it power "over" someone, or is it inner power and control? Sometimes, they may use puppets to play out these ideas. For example, the skunk has power and commands respect, but is not aggressive. The mouse could represent being passive; the alligator might represent aggressive power. The children can use the puppets to voice and experience different forms of power and ways of behaving, and they can learn to change aggression, hostility and anger to assertiveness and self-control.

In healing from inside to out, notes Sister Rosie, children draw on their inner wisdom to help make the unmanageable manageable. They use their imagination and creativity to work through their fears and anxieties; they can communicate their feelings and their desires. What they might not have words to express, they can express through play.

The therapist's job is to witness and to be present, and to provide a safe environment. To help the child heal from outside to inside, a therapist provides materials to enable a child to heal the senses: sight, touch, feel, smell, and hearing. They need, for example, to replace the sounds of violence with other sounds. Rosie provides music and musical instruments, costumes with fabrics of various textures for drama and role-playing, and many other toys. She also uses sand tray therapy in her work, as do the therapists working at the CDC.

It is important to work with the families as well as the children. Sister Rosie often works with parents whose children are in state custody because they are victims of domestic violence. The policy of the Children, Youth and Families Department (CYFD) is to work towards reunification of the family when possible. Therapists may need to work with parents to rebuild bonds of trust, to clarify role confusion, to establish boundaries, and, explains Sister Rosie, "to establish new ways of interacting with each other."


Another local therapist who uses play therapy is Janie Turrieta. She works with Border Area Mental Health Services, Inc. (BAMHS) as a Time-Limited Reunification practitioner, with families whose children are in state custody because of abuse and neglect. She has been successful in increasing parenting skills, developing safety plans, and addressing issues that caused removal of the kids.

In the process of working with these families, Janie "discovered a huge unmet need in dealing with the children's mental health needs; traditional talk therapy is not beneficial." She wanted to meet that need and went to Albuquerque for training. There, she met Terry Kottman, a play therapist/trainer, "whose passion and enthusiasm for play therapy excited and inspired me," she recalls. Janie later spent a week in Iowa (Kottman's home ground) for training in Adlerian play therapy. While there, she also did a week of sand tray training with Emily DeFrance—and then came home and started acquiring toys and miniatures to use play therapy in her work.

Janie says that she could work full-time in play therapy and still have a waiting list, "there are so many children in our community who need it. Every child could benefit from play therapy." For now, she is working with families in treatment foster care, shelter care, and families referred by CYFD because the kids are at risk of removal. She also takes referrals from Intensive Family Support (the meth and inhalant program at BAMHS).

Play therapy is gaining many new adherents and research studies have proven its usefulness. The Family Counseling Center at CDC now has three counselors working towards becoming registered play therapists under the supervision of Angel Toyota-Sharpe: Melissa Busby, Mary Hokom and myself. There are types of play therapy, including: filial play (teaching parents to play with their children), TheraPlay (an attachment-based therapy), and group therapy. Each type has its own theoretical foundation, and its own practices and adherents. What is common to all is a belief in the healing power of play.
"Watch me!" shouts the child. A play therapist watches.

Diana S. Edwards has an MA in counseling and a PhD in cultural anthropology. She is a family facilitator with the Family Counseling Center in Silver City.

More Body, Mind & Spirit: read "Lessen Your Stress,"
also in the March 2005 Desert Exposure.

Back to top of page.